.Awakening - Soulmate & Life Partner
You will find a plethora of definitions for the word Soulmate on the Internet. Some say that a soulmate is already pre-decided. Some others say that my soulmate is the one who contains a part of my soul and that those parts will unite at some point. Some say that a soulmate is one who makes me feel connected with my soul. Last but not the least, relationships are so screwed-up today that people have started saying - Only God can be my soulmate, no human being can be my soulmate.
Some people also say that the definition really depends on who you ask. Not really!
All of these definitions are correct in one way (and incorrect in another way), and are understandable considering the variety of experiences all humans beings (who have carved out those definitions) go through in life or observe others going through in life, but let's go to the basics.
Terminology & Basics
Kindly note that the meaning of the words Soulmate and Perfect Partner are completely different.
The term 'Life Partner' will be used synonymously with the terms 'Perfect Partner', 'Romantic Partner', 'Prince Charming', 'Rajkumar' etc. through this article.
Now, even though I am using the terms 'Life Partner' and 'Perfect Partner' synonymously, let's understand that a Life Partner is not necessarily someone with whom you'll end up experiencing a life that you may experience with a 'Perfect Partner'. I will dissect and distinguish in between these two terms as well through this article.
You are energy, and you have lived a lot of life (not just the present but many in the past as well). Over all these births, you created Thoughts, spoke Words, and took Actions. These Thoughts, Words, and Actions contributed to your overall Energy, and life presented to you with matching circumstances, events, and people (in short, let's call it life-experiences) by the virtue of the Law of Attraction. You perceived these life-experiences, and that's what made you the person you are today. You are a package of Thoughts, Beliefs (making up your Energy), and you continuously emit this Energy out into the Universe. You may have read this multiple times on this website.
The Law of Attraction always keeps bringing you the people who match that Energy. Always, without fail. Whether you choose to spend the rest of your life with a person you come across or not, the people who come and go in and out of your life are a match to you in one way or another.
Is there only one Soulmate for you?
We believe that there is only one soulmate for each one of us, because we understand the word incorrectly.
(For ease of writing, I will only use the word 'he' or 'his' throughout this article, and you may replace the word 'his' with 'her', wherever necessary.)
There is NOT ONE soulmate. If you had a partner in the past whom you broke up with, he was your soulmate. Once you find a new person to live your life with, he will be your soulmate. If you felt a strong pull towards someone who never even knew you existed in this world, he was also your soulmate. If there was a rascal who you loved immensely and who ultimately made you cry, he was your soulmate. If you had casual sex with someone, he was your soulmate too. If someone made you happy, that was your soulmate. If someone made you cry, that was your soulmate. Parents, Siblings, Teachers, Classmates, Shopkeepers, and the list is really endless.
Since the word "mate" or "mating" is usually used synonymously with sex, one finds it uncomfortable or awkward to call one's non-sexual relationships (like siblings, colleagues etc.) his Soulmates. So, they come up with words like Soul Brother, Soul Sister, etc. However, the only perfect word is Soulmate.
Each person who enhances your life (i.e. essentially your soul) is your Soulmate. Every single person in your contact, whether closely associated or remotely, enhances you in one way or another. That's why, every person IS your Soulmate. If you're associated with me, I am one of your Soulmates
and experiences in your life (through his / her existence and behavior),
and enhances your growth as an individual, by giving you more clarity.
So, you see, each person who you end up interacting with in your life is your soulmate, irrespective of that person's gender or religion. Even though there are 7 Billion human beings in this world, only those who match your Energy come across you, and only those are your soulmates.
A soulmate is one who enhances the soul (i.e clarifies your Thoughts and Beliefs). However, instead of waiting for someone to come and enhance your soul and teach you lessons in life (especially if that's going to be negative and sad), if you enhance the soul yourself, correct your Thoughts and Beliefs yourself, then the person(s) who come to you will be more closer matches to the kind of person you're happy being with. That's when you'll be closer to finding your Perfect Life Partner.
It's not just your "mate" who is your "soulmate". It could be a friend, a relative, a stranger as well. Even if you're Gay, your friend (who is a girl) may be a very good soulmate of yours.
Life Partner / Perfect Partner / Romantic Partner / Spouse.
However, your Life Partner / Perfect Partner / Romantic Partner / Spouse
is your Soulmate.
Difference between Soulmate and Life Partner
If everyone around you is your soulmate anyway, you do not need to care or worry too much about the idea / word. You can now focus more correctly on this and move towards understanding what a Life Partner / Perfect Partner is.
Your Life Partner is the one who you choose to live the rest of your life with. This is the person - who is also your Soulmate - however, this is that one Special Guy / Girl you also choose to get romantic / intimate / sexual with. That's why this person can also be called your Life Partner, Romantic Partner, or Spouse.
There are many ways that people adopt to find their Perfect Partner. They either choose to find them on their own, or (in some cultures, such as my country's) they ask their parents to find the Life Partner for them. Which one do I vote for? Well, I give supreme importance to "making your own choice", and even if you belong to a culture where you aren't given much of a choice, try to find your best possible ways to make your choices wherever possible.
There are many partners who merely live together in miserable relationships. On the other hand, there are many partners who live such wonderful, magnificent, life-giving, freedom-based, empowering relationships that words would fall short of describing their relationships. In both the cases mentioned here, they are Soulmates of one another. That's essentially the difference between Life Partners and Perfect Partners.
In any case, your Life Partner is a perfect match to you, because if you were negative all your life until you began finding a Life Partner, you will only find a perfectly negative person in your life. So, this essentially makes you both perfect partners / matches of each other. However, I would like to use the term 'Perfect Partners' in a positive way, in that these relationships are smooth, happy, and enriching, as described in the previous paragraph.
Let me go deeper - Your Life Partner is your Perfect Match or Perfect Partner (for the Energy that you carry), however, that person may not necessarily be the Perfect Version of the manifestation that you can actually receive. You'll get this when you listen to the video embedded above. This is why there are people who have Partners back home, while having some amazing connections / friends / affairs outside of their marriage.
While having amazing friends or connections is fine, I am totally against infidelity, and that's one thing that you'll hear me blatantly calling WRONG.
Marriages are NOT made in Heaven
You could have picked up any one of those potential grooms (for example) and got married to to him, but as your Thoughts (and thus Energy) keep changing with time, so does your life, societal pressure, and incorrect thinking. Due to this, instead of listening to your inner voice as to whether the opposite person is The One, you choose the one who is in front of you at a given moment of time. That's the difference between "Mr. Right" and "Mr. Right Now". Nevertheless, that person is still a match to you, and that person is still your soulmate, but not necessarily The One with whom you could have an extraordinary life-long / long-term / fulfilling / satisfying and happy relationship.
Now, this will sound very similar to gadgets (although that's a very funny analogy). There is always a better gadget in the market - you have to pick the one you like the most, and the one that is available for you. There will continue to be a better gadget in the market, but it does not mean that you keep buying every new gadget that you come across.
So, you see, Soul Connections are not pre-decided. YOU make them right here on planet earth, and it is a very dynamic process. Soulmates are made right here on this planet. Marriages are NOT made in Heaven. It is said so, because you feel divine with that person, and you both are so similar that you feel like as-if you already knew each other forever. It is also said, because you come with a set of Intentions in this world, and those Intentions also contain information about your Life Partner(s). Wait, did I pluralize that last word in the previous sentence?
Spiritually, although we say that 'Everything is eternal', I do understand that nothing is "permanent" in the sense that you cannot really guarantee whether something or someone will be with you and according to you for the rest of your life (not even a Life Partner), but I am looking more at the Quality of relationships. This is not the longevity in terms of time, but the longevity (better word - depth) in terms of the essence of the relationship.
While there are some people who find their Life Partners at a young age, and enjoy the rest of their lives with them, there are some others who find their Life Partners slightly late, and then have wonderful relationships together. And then, there are some who enjoy multiple long-term relationships with multiple people. And, there are also people who get into relationships with negativity and have terrible lives together!
There's really a huge variety of Life Partnered Relationships that exist. What is it that YOU want in your life?
You Must Wait For The Right Partner...
To those like me who have been through a 'Divorce with the Spouse' or 'Break-up with the Boyfriend', if you had this spiritual knowledge earlier, not that you wouldn't have broken up with your loved one, you would have not considered him as your lover in the first place i.e. forget divorce, you wouldn't have married that person in the first place.
You must wait (I'm using the word 'must' in the most loving and caring way, and not as an enforcement, and as you read, you will understand why I say so). Follow your heart, not your peers. Be patient, not bogged down by your parents. And wait not just by counting your age or years, but with FAITH. You must pursue it positively. You must be eager, anxious, and looking forward to it. If you wait in despair, the Law of Attraction will keep bringing you other frustrated souls who are desperately looking for life-partners just to fill their void and the history will repeat itself. Trust me on that one.
There is no age to get married. There is only "feeling".
You cannot "look" for your perfect partner as such. He / she will be naturally magnetized to you as long as you've held the clear and positive desire and vision in your mind. The way people look for partners on matrimonial websites today is highly flawed. Soulmates are not found online. Well, yes, Internet can become a catalystic medium in finding your partner for you, but it has to be a very inspired and a natural process. You cannot create a matrimonial / dating profile and sit glancing at it 24 x 7. When the time comes, you will not even know when you created that profile and bumped into your Life Partner.
How you wait... matters!
Let's assume that you're going to get a Partner in your life after exactly 6 months from today.
Now, how would you like to wait until then?
♦ Gracefully or Desperately?
♦ Would you like to enjoy your present phase Passionately or live it Sadly?
♦ Would you like to be open to the idea of finding the right person or do you want to hold on to the idea of being a sad, lonely single who is unable to celebrate Christmas, Diwali, and Valentine's Days?
♦ Would you look forward to the beautiful moments you would have with your 'The One' or just keep feeling sex-deprived?
It would be nice (and helpful) to be Graceful, Welcoming, and Happy on the way to your Future Partner.
What if the decision of finding a Life Partner for you is not in your hands?
Remember a few points:
1. Make yourself the best possible version of yourself. Eradicate your negative behavior (if any), become a very very happy and a positive person, dance around the house daily singing the song, "Humko Aaj Kal Hai, Intezaar, Koi Aaye, Leke Pyar...", and if you can maintain such an energy level, the Law of Attraction will only bring you potential mates who will be a match to the positive side of you, and make your life even more beautiful. Thank me later.
2. Who takes the decision does not matter if you understand it deeply. How you ARE matters.
3. If you're being forced and you need a Life Coach and a Counsellor to help you or your parents / relatives understand about these concepts, I am approachable through my Interact with Sagar programme.
Recognizing a Soulmate as your Perfect Partner
Theoretically, anybody in this world can be your Life Partner (and the practice of Arranged Marriages in some cultures like my country's - is the proof of that). Now, whether that Life Partner is your Perfect Partner or not is a separate story altogether.
Like I said in the previous article, there are some life partners (perfect matches to each other's energy) living such horrible lives together (as soulmates) that I don't wish to even talk about that. I say this based on the Counselling that I've been doing for the last 11+ years now.
However, since some of us have partner preferences, and rightly so, when 'that' person who meets the best definition of your idea of a 'Perfect Partner' comes across you, there will be a spiritual explosion of positive energy, and you will experience and KNOW that that's the person made for you. That sounds weird, impossible, filmy, and dramatic, but that's exactly how 'Perfect Partners' recognize each other. You'll know it when it happens. Those who have experienced it will understand what I'm talking about.
The explosion that I'm referring to above is completely at a non-physical subconscious (often unconscious) level. It is not something out of this world or like what is shown in movies. Have you noticed two colleagues at a workplace just get along with each other? They get friendly, they start going for lunch and snacks together, and one fine day you hear the news. They just automatically get to like each other, and discover that they're perfect for one another. Such relationships last a lifetime.
There is not a feeling of lackfulness, or wanting to impress the person, or wishing that the other person were your partner, or that you need to pretend to be something that you're not in order to make this person your Life Partner. There is clarity and a strong and absolute KNOWING in the hearts of the both of you (which is very important) that you both are made for each other. You just recognize each other as each others' Soulmates, like as-if you already know each other very well. When you come across your soulmate, you don't have to spend 6 months evaluating / dating him / her. That's not necessarily a requirement.
Let me insert this right here - you may have felt such a strong visceral feeling for someone in the past (who may have eventually ditched you), but now if you look back and try to study your Thoughts then, although that feeling was perfect for that person, you also carried some or all of the negative feelings of lackfulness, hollowness, despair, and sadness within you at that point of time (over a period of time until then) that were precisely the reason why he / she didn't stay with you. This very example can be understood well and modified to suit other specific scenarios too that you may have faced.
As far as this 'Soulmate as your Perfect Partner' is concerned, you both are so similar and perfectly compatible with each other, that that makes you feel like as-if he's your better-half or part of you is in him. That's why the quote Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies by Aristotle.
At the same time, if two recognized each other their Life Partners in the past and have already been living life together, it is not necessary that they both are Perfect Partners of each other. They match each other perfectly (in terms of energy), but there are so many examples of couples separating after nearly 18 years of a committed / married relationship, which clearly proves that "they're not the answer to each other's questions".
False Positive Recognition
Now, this is a juicy section! What if you thought that someone is your Perfect Partner on meeting him / her, but later discovered that he / she is not? What went wrong?
Nothing went wrong! You matched that person as a Life Partner at that point of time perfectly (in terms of Energy), however, as you both spent time together, due to your negative thinking patterns, you began looking for those elements in that relationship that aren't working well. That's how you fall apart emotionally, and then physically. Therefore, it's not really a false positive sign ever. You just need to take your own time in developing yourself into a positive person. That's the key to a successful relationship.
Remember, it's not just about finding a partner, is it? It's about the Quality of the relationship with that partner.
On the way to meeting potential partners, you may come across multiple great matches, and while they all are your Soulmates, it is highly possible that someone you like or spend some time with (by dating / mating, etc.), that person may not necessarily be your Perfect Partner. That shouldn't disappoint you, but you should take that as an opportunity to clarify yourself about your preferred partner, and keep that active in your Thoughts, Words, and Discussions. That's how you move close to your Prince Charming / Princess... or - as in my case - Rajkumar ♥
If you feel rejected or sad on departing from someone, it means two things. First, you've not understood articles within this section well, and second, you're now in a more negative place, with the potential of now attracting more negative partners or no partners at all. Therefore, keep your chin high, always. One of the Mantras that I have strongly ingrained on my own mind is - No Attachment Without Commitment. No matter how cute and sweet the other guy is, unless the signal / sign of commitment comes from him, I will not get emotionally attached to him (anyone).
Stay dull, and you'll attract a leeche!
However, don't draw disappointment towards yourself with some beliefs like, "Oh, that means I can only have a life-partner, and the people I really really like are only my temporary soulmates, whereas I want to live the rest of my life with such a person. So, does that mean my life-partner is not my soulmate?" If you've thoroughly read above, you will understand that your life-partner IS (or will be) your soulmate who has (or will) chosen to live the rest of his life with you. You WILL like and love him, automatically. He's the best one for you. Don't get entangled in words. Just trust your feelings, be patient, and have fun in life. You can enjoy beautiful moments and relationships with your favorite people too. Most importantly - it works based on your beliefs. That's another key to understand all of this.
If you're already in a relationship that doesn't feel right to you, remember, before drawing conclusions, that every relationship (no matter how bad it may be) can always be converted into a beautiful one, if both the parties wish. Therefore, never give up.
If you're Single, and looking for someone, instead of 'running behind' your favorite people (commonly known as crushes), just enhance yourself, make yourself a better person, and love yourself immensely - this is a quick tip to get your dream man / woman into your life. People will then start having crushes on you.
Choosing Your Life Partner
This is the most important part in all these Soulmate and Life Partner-related articles.
All of that explosion that I talked about in the " title="Recognizing a Soulmate as your Perfect Partner">Recognizing a Soulmate as your Perfect Partner" section will happen anyway, and it does - very much - happen when two negative people meet. No, I am not contradicting myself anywhere. If you carefully read that article, I've clearly mentioned, "when the person who meets YOUR definition of a Perfect Partner comes across you...... there is an explosion......"
It is highly likely that you yourself are unclear about the ideas of a Soulmate or a Life Partner. May be - you've watched too many Bollywood movies! :P
Letting the Law of Attraction send you a Potential Partner when you are Positive versus letting the Law of Attraction send you a Potential Partner when you are negative... these are two completely disparate scenarios. The beautiful thing is that Potential Partners are always coming across you, however, how positive you are, how clear you are, and how ready you are is what decides whether you tie-up with that person or not.
You do not just need to go through multiple heartbreaks or break-ups in order to get clear about what kind of person you want. You just need to be connected within, and keep working on identifying your strengths and working on your weaknesses, and the versions of potential partners that come across you will only better over a period of time.
and not someone who harasses you into Growth!
It is extremely important to be consciously aware of WHO and WHAT you are, and HOW you want to be as an individual, which makes it easier for you to recognize or choose someone who helps you in everything that you, which is what I mean by "enhancing one another". Otherwise, there are many partners who harass the hell out of their partner(s) and that's what makes those partners grow. That's not a very tasty or fun-filled life, isn't it?
It is not a very good idea to have someone who sucks life out of you or takes you into a direction of Thinking / Behavioral / Lifestyle Habits that you don't want to have.
This is also true for the other way round. If someone is not ready to give and receive love (i.e. experience the mutual feeling of love, I know that love is not an object that can be given or received!), no matter what you do, he / she will NOT receive that love. Your actions will be futile. They will NOT reach the other person. This may happen even if you try to do things for the other person for 20-30 years!
While Self-work is constant and it is never-ending (now that you've come to this spiritual understanding of life), you must at least reach a point of self-awareness and consciousness where you're not in a needy or desperate or lackful state of energy, before you meet someone who is also in such a state. It's like, if you want to travel from Pune to Mumbai with someone, you shouldn't ask someone to pick you up from your house (and neither should someone ask you to pick them up from their house), because you're incapable! You both must meet at a common location / point, and then continue the journey from there. Self-work (or at least the willingness to do that) is necessary at both the ends.
Here are some quick tips that may help you:
Tip # 1: You're not here to Please each other!
Tip # 2: You're not here to Test each other!
Tip # 3: You're not here to Fulfill each other!
Tip # 4: You're not here to Satisfy each other's Egos!
Tip # 5: You're not here to make the Other fill your Voids!
Tip # 6: You're not here to Change each other!
Tip # 7: You're here to Help each other Grow in all ways!
How to: Avoid Break-ups
By not getting into wrong relationships
(an example) But why did "the separation" occur? Well, because you both no longer remained a match (in terms of Energy) to one another. So, does that mean that the separation / divorce could've been avoided? Certainly. But here's the trick. Actually, let's take a step back - it's the commitment / marriage itself that could've been avoided or you both should've taken sufficient time before getting committed / married. However, it's the society, the limiting beliefs, the age-limit that we humans have defined for ourselves (and trapped ourselves into) that make us take hurried steps that we could've otherwise delayed or simply, prevented. Now, you may say that the laws and the beliefs of the society are for a reason, and I do not disagree. They are. They have some reasoning behind it, however, if you look deeply into it, it's all made for our convenience, but we use them as an obligation, and despite following them, we do not do justice to them, because the understanding and energy with which we follow them today requires correction at an individual level.
So, was the person wrong in choosing the wrong partner? No, not at all. Now you understand that there are no wrong partners. They're just not the Perfect Life Partners that we seek. Now, you can take it in your stride, and move ahead from here, learning from it and stepping up. Those who are a bit aware of the Law of Karma will immediately say that you had a past Karmic Account (bondage) with that soul, and there was no choice but to repay and serve that Karmic Account period. This is an incorrect understanding of the Law of Karma. That's not how Karmic Bondages work. A correct, detailed, and lucid understanding has been presented in the article "the Law of Karma".
You may bring up a case in which your partner does not want to stay with you when you would've otherwise liked to. Well, that's nothing wrong as such. Although the reasons why you came together were the same as above, and despite the fact that YOU are willing to change, remember, you don't want HIM. You want a perfect partner, a better match, and if you make YOURSELF positive, even if this one goes, the right one will come along, who will be a better version of the last one, matching to your better and evolved version - as long as you don't take your river's flow into an altogether different mode saying, "I don't deserve to have a partner. I want to remain single. Nobody has a perfect partner. Let me surrender to a spiritual organization and start wearing white clothes. Those who are in relationships are in a trap. It only appears that they're happy, but they're not. Now, I've got it. This happened so that I should now surrender myself to God. God is my perfect partner, because no human can be perfect."
People are doing this. They are surrendering themselves to God, just because they don't have a good life. Don't surrender to God in this mode, you'll not be happy even there, and end up making yourself a sadder and a worse person.
Can God Be Your Only Soulmate?
God is the non-physical consciousness energy stream that exists in the non-physical dimension right here. You can read more about this in the article "Who is God?"
Many humans in the past (especially saints, sages, and prophets) have considered God as their only Soulmate. They knew God in their own form or format, as per their understanding, suitable to those times. They called God with the name they found best. They have been able to create immensely intense feelings of love towards 'their version of God', and have been able to live the rest of their lives in that feeling. Meera's love for Krishna is well-known. Even we did this during our childhood towards our own understanding of God, or have seen others doing it. Such feelings of renunciation usually come when one does not experience love from people around (the root of which is incorrect expectations from others and the lack of understanding of the Law of Attraction). It may also be due to one's Intentions with which he / she may have come into that particular life.
On reading the article "Who is God?" (linked above), you will understand that you too can connect with that same non-physical energy stream of God. That's when you experience immense Peace and Clarity in life (the very first two manifestations of connecting with God). However, it is not compulsory or mandatory that you stop there. God is here to bring clarity to you, and He will always be in the non-physical dimension. God's love is eternal, and something that we (can) experience on a day-to-day, and moment-to-moment basis. God Himself never asks anyone to not look for life-partners. To love God you don't have to force yourself into a Single / Celibate life. Some spiritual organizations promote / propose / force their followers to remain Single / Celibate and consider God as their only Soulmate, and that's because of their incorrect and incomplete understanding of Spirituality. Period.
As mentioned earlier, a human being can pick up ANY object and consider it as the center of his life and produce the feelings of Love, Freedom, Power, and Joy due to that object, based on the attributes he wishes to assign to that object. It could be a material / physical object, or a non-material / non-physical object or entity. It could be a real or a hypothetical object. You can fall in love with a Concept as well!
So, yes, you CAN consider God your soulmate if that makes you happy and satisfies you. However, it is not an imposition that only God can be your perfect Soulmate and no other human being can be your perfect partner. It is merely a belief spread by human beings who may have not experienced love from the people around (and not even worked towards that due to lack of patience / perseverance / knowledge / correct guidance).
The catch here is that if you surrender to God because your regular life hasn't been good or because you've had bad relationships in the past, you won't be happy with God either. This is similar to looking for a life-partner because one is lonely and sad, and then that "life-partner" comes and makes you feel even more lonelier and sadder.
The Perfect Partner Exists!
If you believe that a perfect partner exists (not because someone like me is saying that to you, but naturally, purely, and from within), he / she does exist for you. If you do not believe that a perfect partner exists (may be due to your past experiences or just because you haven't seen one around or because of other knowledge from other sources), your belief THE PERFECT PARTNER EXISTS is polluted, and therefore perfect partner does not exist for you. It's all about Beliefs, you see. If you don't see something, doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
The first reality is that whoever you come across in your life (as a potential partner or the actual person who is now your partner), when he / she comes across you, it is ONLY because he / she is a perfect match to you (in terms of your Energy that you carry). Do you know that even the people who are around you for those few seconds at a traffic signal, in a traffic jam, in a bank's queue, the shopkeepers at the shop you enter, and even the colleagues you work with are a perfect match to your Energy at the point you souls come across each other? If you don't believe in this, it's like not believing in magnetism, and not believing that magnets attract iron objects. This has been explained in details in the article "Introduction to the Law of Attraction". Try going out in a good mood, and you'll come across good interpersonal experiences. Same goes for bad.
This is what I regularly say to the Universe, "I am a wonderful being. I love the idea of being in a relationship. It's beautiful to see happy and gay couples around. It proves to me that what I want exists in the world. I am a part of this world, so if I want something and I see it around, I can get it as well. Being romantic is nice. I am looking for a goodhearted soul to come into my life, and to enrich me. But hey, meanwhile, it's better to be Single than to be with a Leech! I would like him to be good-looking for sure. I am already full of love and I want someone who will be full of love as well. I want to share my love with him, and have lots of wonderful moments of togetherness, travel, romance, intimacy, and a lot more than I can write or say. It is natural and normal to want and have a partner. I want to choose my life-partner. I want to share my life with him. I want to take care of him. I wouldn't be dependent upon him for my happiness, but he'll make me happy anyway. My past experiences have disturbed and troubled me, but how does it matter NOW? I can let it fade away right now, and move ahead. My eyes are located in the front of my head, and not at the back. I want to be with someone who is very understanding, caring, protective by nature, and taller than me, and I have this dream always that he'll be a nice and a good-looking person too. He'll be a grown-up, but I'll feed, bathe, wipe his head, make him ready anyway. Our relationship wouldn't be based on sex, but we'll have lots of sex anyway. I will be floating in roses, because I love them. I'm gonna have a unique relationship.".
The word PERFECT can be misleading, although it's not an incorrect word. Our ideas of a perfect partner are having a partner like those shown on television.
Television and Movies have ruined and screwed-up our beliefs and definitions about relationships. Period.
A perfect partner is not just the one who is gorgeous, gives you roses, leaves his work and responds to your WhatsApp messages quickly, says "I love you" 9-10 times a day, or grabs you from behind when you're kneading dough. A perfect partner is something else. When you look for the right qualities in a partner, everything else automatically falls into place. You do not need to be negatively focused while finding a partner. For example, "I want a partner, and he should be good-looking, romantic, and give me roses on a Valentine's Day" is a completely fine way of finding a partner. Since we have this spiritual knowledge now, we would give more importance to one's nature than to one's looks, but there could be someone saying it spiritually + negatively, like, "I want a partner, who is good-hearted. He does not need to be good-looking, because I understand that looks are secondary. A romantic nature is not as important as one's understanding nature.". The fact that a good heart is preferred to a good body is understood, but you don't need to say that explicitly. The fact that roses =/= love is a natural understanding, but by saying something like above, you will block roses from your life and will bump into a unromantic partner. To talk about the right things, you do not need to talk about the unwanted things.
Run away from those who say otherwise, even if it is your Mother!
Currently In A Troublesome Relationship?
So, now, what-if the current partner seems to be a mismatch? Certainly, if you're already married / committed, it wouldn't be wise to restart finding a new Perfect Partner. That's when the statement, "Don't find a perfect partner, make your partner perfect." comes into play. (Singles should NOT read this previous statement or believe in it without understanding it well.) Now, if you want to make your relationship better and better, look for the positive nature of the person, enlist it daily, focus on it, appreciate him / her for that, and more importantly, make YOURSELF positive. That's when you will only see his / her positive side and gradually influence him / her to become a better person. When he's in a negative mood (while you're positive), his rickshaw will get stuck in the traffic jam, and he'll take another route. He will feel proud of this action, because he will come across a new cigarette store, and feel happy by the time he reaches home. Sounds funny, but this is reality.
And of course, if things still don't seem to work out, you can decide to move away, but make sure to do that 100% positively. Anything that you leave behind (be it a job, a partner, a service provider, or a house), leave it behind with 100% positivity, so that you prevent the reoccurrence of that situation in your future.
Attracting A Specific Person Using the Law of Attraction
It could be a curiosity of many whether or not one can attract a specific XYZ person using the Law of Attraction i.e. If I like this one person (let's name this hypothetical person XYZ), and I want that person in my life, because I believe that this person is a perfect match to me, can I attract that person into my life?
The answer to that is Yes, and ideally, I shouldn't write anything after this, but let's study how this works, and why - often - it doesn't.
If you've studied the Law of Attraction enough, you will have understood that you need only one pure thought to get whatever you desire, but all that it depends upon is your overall Energy in the present moment, and your Faith / Belief in that desire. For example, thinking about wanting to drink a cup of coffee is more natural for you than meeting a movie star in-person. In other words, your Beliefs constitute what you get. The primary aim of spirituality is to shift all of those beliefs to that one general belief of well-being and power, so that you find nothing unachievable.
However, as far as attracting XYZ in your life is concerned, even if you create one pure Thought now, your overall Thoughts and Beliefs about that overall topic are not necessarily pure. Sometimes, you may have had bad relationships in the past. Sometimes, you may have seen others having bad relationships. Sometimes, you may believe that only certain people come across certain people in life (in terms of external appearance or achievements). Sometimes, you may see that XYZ is already involved with someone else, and even that is enough to pollute your Faith and make it impure. TV and movies have added a lot of garbage in our minds about the understanding of Relationships. That is one of the primary reasons why Relationships are so screwed-up today. These days there are people who have started saying that no human being is perfect, and you can never be happy with another human being, so quit everything and surrender to God.
Thus, not only our overall Beliefs about Relationships are polluted, but also we want to be in a relationship with someone from a place of hollowness (not from a place of contentment). If you're reading this, you're definitely one of those who has started working on that hollowness, and are at a very good place (as compared to where you were earlier). However, as far as your overall Energy about Relationships is concerned, you need to be very scrupulous as to what you think and how you feel when it comes to Relationships. As written earlier on this page, such doubtful questions don't come when one knows and feels from within what's meant for him in life.
Now, as far as pursuing XYZ is concerned, it's not how it is shown in movies. You cannot lure a person into your life by impressing them with your perfume. Even if you do, it would be temporary, because lifelong relationships are not based on luring another. Even if you forcefully make it happen, you both will only bang around unhappily together and then leave each other in pain.
Let me insert this without getting into its details here - Trust me, this has got nothing to do with your past Karma.
There are two solutions to this. Firstly, to begin and continue working on gaining clarity on the aspect of Relationships. Well, this is a never-ending process, and it will continue for the rest of your life, however, to begin with, here are a few questions you may want to ask yourself, and the Law of Attraction will bring you answers. The answers will not come right now, or tomorrow, or the next week. The answers will come over a period of time, through life-experiences, through interactions with people, through the people who come and go in and out of your life. "What is the value of relationships in my life? Why do I want a partner in my life? What value will a life partner add to my life? Why do I want a perfect partner? What kind of a life partner do I want? If I define all the qualities that I seek in my life partner, am I becoming a match to those qualities? 'Am I wanting someone just to complete me' or 'am I already complete and now I want someone'?" and so on and so forth... This will change your overall perception about Relationships, and upgrade your beliefs in this area of life. Don't justify those answers, just be natural and honest about them.
The second important fact to understand here is that you do not want XYZ. You think that XYZ has all the qualities you desire in a life partner, and even if that appears a perfect match to you, he / she is not part of your life (neither as a friend nor as a soulmate yet), because there is a gap in terms of your Energy. You do not want "that person". You want a specific set of qualities in a partner. The first deep fact here is that the Law of Attraction knows what you want better than you. Therefore, even if a crush appears like your Perfect Partner, he / she is sometimes not. The Law of Attraction knows that person's Energy as accurately as it knows yours. If you both don't match with each other, the Law of Attraction cannot bring you together. The second deep fact here is that even if you think that a person has the qualities you desire, you have your own qualities and you will only match a similar person. Read more on this in the article "How relationships work - General". The Law of Attraction does not respond to your Desires. It responds to YOU (i.e. your Energy). That's where the statement, "You attract what you ARE, not just what you WANT" comes into picture. Therefore, it's important to change yourself, and simply become the type of person you want in your life, and you won't have to do any work thereafter. The Law of Attraction will do its job.
With that said, it is very much possible that the person you're attracted to can become your very Life Partner too. Just that it's important for us to be aware of what's going on in our lives. That's why this knowledge is empowering and transforming. Whether or not that person becomes your life partner, he / she may become a contact, or an acquaintance, or a friend, or no one. That person is here to give you more clarity in your life in terms of what kind of a life partner you're looking for. That's what a soulmate is about.