Life Hacks by Sagar | Discussion: Suicidal Thoughts among Gay Men

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Discussion: Suicidal Thoughts among Gay Men

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A survey was conducted in 2013, which showed that a Gay Man typically has 19-20 (sexual) partners in his lifetime. I was wondering as to how this number could be so low [sniggers], however, this is 2013 data, when the demographics were different, and today's youth were kids back then. So, I'm sure that many boys must have explored their sexuality after that, and as the sadness / hollowness inside us aggravates, so does our promiscuity rate. So, I'm sure that the number is pretty high as of today, however, if your number is below 19-20, please keep it below that itself [chuckles], because that is good for you, isn't it? However, another survey conducted by OKCupid (a dating app) showed (and which relieved me as well) that the promiscuity rate of Gay Men is the same as that of Straight Men.

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I'm not going to take your too much time today. Wish to convey a very simple and important message by citing a few real examples. By the way, if you're looking for a job or job change, and you'd like to check the list of Job Openings at LGBT-inclusive companies, Job Openings at LGBT-inclusive companies, then you can visit, then you can visit, upload your resume, and apply to the jobs listed there. But before that, let's continue with the talk.

Why is it assumed that if one is Gay, He is sad desperate / lonely / hanky-panky? Or that he must be hanky-panky. In fact, someone once said that flamboyance is expected from Gay Men. Why is it assumed only about Gay guys? No, I'm not asking this question. Whatever is being discussed here (in my talks) are not my personal opinions based on my mood. I have come with deep reasons and answers.

The first reason is Simple and Straightforward. First, some Gay men overdo things. Some of them do Over The Top things, due to which people's perspective of looking at the Gay Community becomes very wrong. Frankly speaking, this "pride-colored" muffler looks beautiful, but I think that it is a little unnecessary. So, you won't see it in other videos. Being Proud is one thing, but Overdoing something is another thing. Let's stick to the basics - why are Pride Marches / Parades conducted? To show the world that we also exist in lakhs, and that we're not just 4-5 people living secretly in a rented apartment. But if you see, some guys in some Pride Marches wear such clothes and behave in ways that they end up in MISREPRESENTING the Gay Community.

Second reason is those people who use this Homosexual Community just for their Sexual Satisfaction / Pleasure. And there are examples out there. Just open any Straight Guy's Hot Photo on Instagram, and you'll find that the majority of people who are drooling there are Gay Men, and these are not even openly Gay / Proud men. It is very unfortunate that these guys are following those guys from whom they aren't going to get anything ever! And how many LIKES do those guys - who are trying to do something for the Gay Community - get? 15!

The third reason is an assumption that people / public make by looking at us. They may look at us and assume that if someone is Gay - They may look at us and assume that if someone is Gay - and Gay Sex was illegal (until recently), and Gay Marriage is still not legal. So, they think that all of these people are also illegally living lives. And, also, because Education has never covered things like two men who can be in love, have sex, or get married, two men who can be in love, have sex, or get married, and that it's natural. So, people end up in assuming wrong things. That's, because we (humans) are judgmental.

Now, we cannot change the world. I cannot go door-to-door and say, "Look! I'm Gay, but I'm normal...", "I'm Gay, & OKAY" and if I'm doing something - doesn't mean that I'm emotionally hollow. What it comes down to is, we cannot really go out there and forcefully educate people or we cannot really go out there and forcefully educate people or even stop some Gay Men from doing Over The Top things. The only thing that we can do individually is STOP being judgmental and STOP assuming wrong things, just because we see a few people doing those things.

I've created a Triangle called APJ (and I just realized something) [chuckles]. Can you guess what? When we stop Assuming and Judging, our Perspectives will improve, leading to better Perceptions. My life is so "HAPPENING" that I receive 2-3 messages on WhatsApp every week. Believe it or not!!! Therefore, I had created a WhatsApp Group named "Soul Connections", and had set a few rules. Someone sent a lot of lewd content on that Group and violated the rules, following which I removed him. His 'Male Ego' got hurt, and without thinking and knowing who the opposite person is, what his age might be, and whether he might be doing something good for the Gay Community or not, he came onto my personal chat, and started abusing me. First, I got shocked, and I had to warn him using very strict language - that first he sent porn on the Group, and secondly used abusive language for me. I told him that I was going to report him to the Cyber Crime Department. He, then, apologized and all, but why did he behave in that manner? Because he had Assumed & Judged (resulting into those Perceptions) that this is how it works in the "Gay Culture". He may have attended a few Gay Tours or Gay Parties where he must've seen some people behaving in those manners, and these Gay Dating Apps are typical and classic examples to witness this kind of behavior from some people. But would he have abused any of his Straight friends in a similar manner? Not at all. May be his approach would've been different, but because (while hiding his own DP) he wanted to insult and dominate a Gay guy... and WHY? that's because it was assumed that this is how it works in the Gay Community.

Because of the weird behavior of some guys, people look at the entire community from a wrong angle. If we behave weirdly, then why will anybody respect us? If we behave "differently", then the society will treat us "differently"... Isn't it? I know that 'normalcy' is a subjective idea. Some people will confront me saying, "Sagar, 'normalcy' varies from person to person." I know that. However, 'faltugiri' (Hindi word for behaving in cheap manners) is one thing. Being proud about your orientation is another thing. Doing ridiculous and disgusting things is a completely different aspect. That has got nothing to do with Gay Pride. I'm sure you may have also experienced such things. Do share with me. I have too. Many times. But I'd like to share a second experience - without any invitation, without asking for, someone was sending me several "Hi, Hello" messages on WhatsApp. But because I wasn't able to see his Face on his Display Photo, I ignored him. He, then, started sending me his lewd (dirty) photos. I, again, had to warn him asking him whether he knew that sending pornographic photos to others (without their permission) is illegal. He, then, apologized. But, again, why did he do that? He did that, because he had assumed that this guy is Gay (he must have come to know from somewhere), and that's all that a Gay guy would probably want.

- just Gay Men desperate for Sex.
- just Gay Men want to have Sex with multiple partners.
- just Gay Men post their naked photos on the Social Media.

So, it is very wrong to generalize your assumptions. First of all they are Assumptions, and secondly, to Generalize them and to "print" your assumptions on to a particular community is very wrong. One should always keep in mind that if someone is doing something, he is not doing it, because he's Gay. He is doing it only because he wants to do it. That has got nothing to do with Being Gay or Being Straight.

It is very important to keep an open mind, and spread LOVE as much as possible. Love and Hate might be a choice, but it is foolishness to choose Hate, because there is already a lot of Hate (Hatred towards one another) in this world, besides, Hate pulls you down. Love uplifts, empowers, and frees you.

See, I'm not a Gay Activist. I do not want to take up that label or that responsibility, because calling yourself a Gay Activist is a very very big thing. You have to work for decades. You have to Act, perform Activities, and stay Active for decades towards the community. Frankly, I don't think that I'm so SELFLESS that I'd do something for others while keeping my own life aside. Yes, of course, I do that at a personal level, but I don't think that I'll be able to do that (ever) at a community level. And I'm being genuinely honest about this. There are some people who just call themselves Gay Activists without even knowing what that means, but they just want to be in the lime-light, which is why they call themselves that. But I'm not here to talk about them. At an individual level, if we DO what we're ABLE TO DO, then we will be in a much better position, for sure.

I know people who cancel appointments with their doctors, because they're feeling a bit ill [chuckles]. In the sense, they're not open-minded. They're unwilling to take efforts (in becoming positive). Not that they can't, but they simply don't want to. Similarly, all videos on this Channel are only for those people who may or may not be negatively focused... may or may not be closed-minded, but who want to become positive and open-minded, and improve their lives at least slightly.

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