Sagar Sonker

Welcome to the original Madhurifan site. This website was earlier www.madhurifan.com, which I discontinued and moved it under www.sagarsonker.com/madhurifan. Various contents of this website, such as Articles, Pictures, Videos, Collection, etc. have been discontinued. Know why?

Because I finally met Madhuri Dixit :) and when we use the word 'finally' it's like the culmination of something.

So, here's summarizing the 19 years of my fan-ship for her.

I don't exactly remember how I started following her in the early 90s, but 'Anjaam' is what I recollect. Those were the days of my adolescence and there are just a few reasons why people generally like actors/actresses, however, my love for her was of a different level altogether. I always considered her my elder sister, an inspiration, and someone I looked up to. My liking and love for her was always beyond her looks and beauty. People, since then, until recently, teased me about Madhuri for all wrong reasons, saying, "She's too old for you!", "Why haven't you migrated to newer actresses?", "She's old now, leave her!" There were times when I used to get furious about such statements, then were the times when I used to be 'surprised', and then came a time when I just smiled at such statements. As I grew I understood how important it is to focus on your own self instead of getting affected by others.

I danced to her songs, imitated her expressions, learned her dialogs by heart, and it was all fun. Yeah, I too can roll my eyes and raise one eyebrow at a time effortlessly ;). Dancing is something I loved originally, and as I watched her dance, I couldn't resist dancing too. Just that being a boy I could not dance to her songs and/or like her. This often made me wish that I were a girl :) To add to that, people said that they liked my smile and dance. However, my life wouldn't be so easy for me if I were not here as a boy, so I am extremely glad about that now :) Now, they call me the male version of Madhuri Dixit. People always knew me better as a Madhurifan, with one of the best names someone gave me, "Madya"... Not that I have forgotten now, I still know her every single dance step and expression quite exactly.

I had written a letter to her in 1994 or so and had received her reply too with a photo and some stuff printed behind it. The envelope was torn, and something was stolen out of it, and it always remained a grief then :)

I have hundreds of her photos, newspaper cuttings, etc. collected since the year of 'Anjaam'. I remember how my school-mates used to sell me those so-called 'original' pictures of HAHK for Rs. 5/- per picture and that used to be very costly for me :) Otherwise, post-card size photos cost Re. 1/- then - that typical paper-make that I can still remember. I'm really amazed at myself as to how I have maintained all those pictures till date. I have a Brief Case in which I had stored all of that. When we shifted to Pune from my native place, I remember we shifted many rented houses until we finally settled in our own, and all the collection was still intact. It was only recently that I got the chance to stick most of them properly into a huge wedding album. It was not done with the intention to show her, but just as a part of my self-organization.

As I look back at the last 19 years, I've been through a lot of changes, emotionally, physically and maturity-wise, and it has been fun all the way. Learning is always fun. Life as a whole is fun. Yes, there were definitely times when I wanted to prove to be the biggest Madhurifan, but I've overcome that now. Ever since I realized the difference between Love and Emotional Attachment, I learned to let go of what all people had to say to me, and it was for my own well-being. I am no longer obsessive about Madhuri - as I was until few years ago.

I never wanted to be part of any group or community to approach her as a fan. I was always an individual and I wanted to meet her as an independent individual fan. I was part of an Orkut group for a very short time, but soon left it. It's sometimes better to part ways from some people. With that group, however, I got to be present in the Nach Baliye-3 show in November 2007 (when she'd been there for the promotion of Aaja Nachle) and got to see Madhuri in person. We also clicked a group picture with her, which was enough for a memory. Couldn't talk or meet her though. Oh, I remember the way we were treated then by the production house. Horrible :P We were waiting outside her vanity van, in scorching heat, starving since 8 AM, when she finally arrived at 2:30 PM at the studio in Film City, Goregaon, Mumbai. Every other person was coming and threatening us to not cross a particular line that they'd drawn, or click her pictures, or even say 'Hi' to her. That was the day I realized the statement, "If you treat someone like a celebrity, know that you will be treated like a fan" - and this is irrespective of the amount of love you have for them. It was disheartening, but I was glad I got to see the person I admired since childhood.

That was the same year when I launched the website www.madhurifan.com. I held quite a few Madhurifan Contests, and gifted quite a few innovative prizes to winners. It was fun. One of them, I remember, is the Madhurifan T-shirt - with Madhuri Dixit's photo printed on it. I am glad I pioneered this idea.

Time moved forward and my life drastically changed thereafter - for better. Went through quite a few ups and downs and learned a lot. I changed as an individual. Spirituality happened to me. God Himself adopted me, and I was a new person altogether. Until then I had lost my original identity and I was nothing other than a "Madhuri Dixit fan" (and some other passions too, like I lost my original identity in wanting to be called a 'Dancer'). When I gained my conscience in real, I understood that I have my own identity too :) which is not anything that I have acquired, but the truth that I am a point of light, a soul, the child of the Supreme Soul, whom we also call 'One God'.

There were two instances already until then - when I went to Mumbai, starved almost the entire day (once with my mum) and did not get to meet Madhuri, and returned disheartened. However, last time I decided that I wouldn't aspire to meet her again. I got this gifted opportunity, an Oral-B India Facebook Contest where I could put up my own smiling picture, get the maximum LIKEs and get to meet Madhuri Dixit. It all happened in mere four days, I had to win it, and I did - with the maximum likes, I believe. Five of us were selected to meet her. We were called at Film City, Goregaon, Mumbai - again, with not a very proper communication method - and I somehow managed to reach the studio and wait outside her vanity van in scorching heat, when finally she came out and met me for a couple of minutes.

I was a 19 year old fan and people ask me, "Just five minutes?", but I did not expect to spend more time with her - that's not something her life can accommodate. What I got was exactly what I desired. While taking that huge album to her, I told her that I'd trouble her a bit by showing it to her, to which she replied, "No, not at all", and she was really very happy to see it. Her driver was kind enough to help me uncover the album.

She was glad to see the similarities between me and her I had written on the first page. She saw the entire album, page-by-page, told me that she didn't remember most of them, and was very glad to see some rare ones too. She called that album a 'pothi' (means codex in Hindi) Her mere statement mentioning - I must have taken so much trouble maintaining that album - paid-off all the hard-work and efforts I took in maintaining that collection. She thanked me at the end of it, and I thanked her too. Took her autograph on the last cover page, and later also took a t-shirt that I had printed long ago and took her autograph on that too. And the pictures with her followed. Though nobody captured a picture when both of us were posing for the camera, there is no point going into the past now. Whether I deserved it or not is something out of the scope of this write-up :)

It was a nice experience meeting Madhuri Dixit in-person. Meeting her was the culmination of my Madhurifan-ship, and I thought of penning it down in the form of this write-up. I had planned to meet Madhuri's wax statue at Madame Tussauds, London if I couldn't meet her until 31-Mar-'12, but I am really glad I met the real one before meeting the statue :)

Every new thought in a soul changes the soul. Our body is no longer the same every two years, so it was not really the same Madhuri Dixit I admired since childhood and ultimately met on 11-Feb-'12. What remains constant, though, is the originality of the soul and the DNA of the body, so I can say that I met the same person :) Someone rightly said that I'm spiritually connected to her. I am - not just with Madhuri, but with million others.

This write-up cannot end without thanking all my well-wishers, who clicked a simple LIKE button on Facebook and helped my 19 years of hard-work finally fructify. More than me, I think they were all happy that I met Madhuri Dixit. The best compliment was, "You deserved to win this contest and meet her". It was like as if the universe suddenly made it happen for me with the help of all those who knew how big a Madhurifan I was. My love and wishes to each and every one of them.

I will cherish these 19 years, the collection, and the moments of meeting her always. Her songs, dances, movies still remain the best for me.

We all believe that God is One. While being through all the turmoil few years back, I met that God. Ever since then, I realized the truth(s) of life, and I'm still on the journey. It's that God who loves me the most in this universe, and is with me in the real sense. It's Him who solves my day-to-day problems and challenges :) and whatever I am today is only because of Him. I wanted to meet Madhuri for just 19 years, but trust me when I say this; I wanted to meet that God for over 2,475 years now. For quite some time now, I follow Him more than I follow Madhuri Dixit. After all, He is THE Creator. He is real. He is eternal.

Would love to hear back from you at www.facebook.com/sagarsonker