Life Hacks by Sagar | 'His Question on Gay Men showing Skin on Instagram'

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'His Question on Gay Men showing Skin on Instagram'

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As I stepped into the 41st year of my life, I posted 3 shirtless photos of myself on Instagram with the Caption, "Just checking if I still look HOT!" [sniggers]. I think I am.

Someone wrote this Comment on the photos... Now, in this case (to respect his parents' beliefs) I believe that it is important to hide this person's identity (and protect his privacy), which is why I'm not displaying his name. That is not always necessary when I read out Comments. He says, "I don't understand why in our Community all guys click photos half-nude. Sorry, if it hurts, but I always have this question."

Thank you, for this Comment, rather, this Question. It gave me the opportunity to talk about it, and it does not hurt (as you mentioned).

Generalizing your specific observations (to an entire community) is not only Unnecessary, but also Inappropriate. For example, if someone from a particular city does not drive well, I cannot make a general statement, "People from that City / State don't drive properly." That is very very wrong, isn't it? I can say that that particular person belonging to that particular city / state doesn't drive well. So, generalizing is neither necessary nor appropriate.

And why do I say that? That's because not ALL Gay guys do that (i.e. click shirtless photos). Gay guys who do that don't do that always. And Straight guys also do that. Basically, people who work on their bodies tend to want to display their bodies to the world.

Now, there is a Catch here. Should you be doing that? Or not? By default, I would ask you to not do it. You may retort to that saying, "Sagar, you do that yourself. How can you ask someone else to not do it!?" My answer to that is: Reach a (significant) point in your life. Achieve something (substantial) in your life. Now, even though life is never 100% Perfect or Stable for anyone in this world, you can at least wait till you reach an age. I see many youngsters doing many things online out of Hollowness. That does not help. People who have not even started in their Careers. I am not against pre-marital sex as such, but I always ask youngsters to avoid it (as much as possible). People who haven't found their partners as yet, and continue to indulge in Casual Sex stay in a confused state. That may take you in a direction aberrant from what you want. So, reach a significant milestone in your life. Don't just start doing something, just because you everybody else doing that as well. Every individual has a choice of his own, but someone doing something (undesired) at 20 (when he has not even started his life as yet) may not always work for that individual. Therefore, give yourself some time before doing something specially like Self Display. Let's talk about that.

Now, why people (especially youngsters - whether Straight or Gay) do such things (as displaying their bodies) online is a separate discussion altogether, but to quickly scratch the surface, according to a Harvard University study, when you share / disclose something about yourself Online (especially Online), the same part of your brain gets stimulated that get stimulated on consuming drugs or such substances. So, if you are a Social Media-addict, you very well know how a drug-addict might be feeling. Now, when I share something about myself with 5-6 people, the same part of the brain gets stimulated when those people appreciate me. When I used to Top my class in School (being a lover of Mathematics), my neighbors, relatives, and friends used to appreciate me, and the same part of the brain used to get [laughs] stimulated. Now, when I do something Online, and get 50 (instead of 5) people to appreciate me... why wouldn't I want that, isn't it? This works similarly - specially with youngsters seeking validation / appreciation / acceptance. Now, some guys know what they are doing. They are self-aware, into physical fitness, which is in tandem with the #FitIndiaMovement, isn't it? So, people who are dedicated to this job are (probably) an exception to this specific behavior. But there are so many others who are not only displaying their bodies, but also creating content to seek attention and validation from out there. That damages you. So, every person needs to ask himself / herself at an individual level as to whether they're doing something for seeking validation or out of Self-awareness.

Now, coming back to me. Unfortunately, I keep mentioning my age again and again [sniggers], but a 40-41-year-old doing something is not the same as a 19-20-year-old doing the same thing. I am not boasting about anything, but I have worked for 2 decades (in my career). My life is more than 70% finished. My career is also more than 60-70% over. Of course, there are many-many more things to achieve in life, and Age is just a number, but my number is Big. A 19-20-year-old who has just started blooming cannot be doing something just to seek something from out there. If I am doing something, I am doing it in an Inside-Out manner. I know that this is who / what I am, and that this is just a part of my life, and this is just a Fun Part of my life. By the way, Social Media is (and is supposed to be) a Fun Part of life. 'Fun' and 'Part' being very very important words. So, despite the fact that today's youngsters are very talented, and knowledgeable, and very evolved for their age as well, they need to reach a significant point (a milestone) and achieve something in their lives before beginning to do something Online. And seeking validation or trying for Outside-In achievements are never recommended, irrespective of your age.

Now, I don't intend to sound pompous, but many men and women (more men than women, but women as well - since TikTok times - Gosh, I, myself, cannot watch some of my own cringy [laughs] TikTok videos) have been writing to me on Grindr, Instagram, WhatsApp, and other places that they feel inspired by seeing someone like me at this age doing some of the things that I am doing - Dances or Photos. Did I just pronounce it in the American accent? It is nice to be an inspiration to somebody and to be at a place from where you can say that these things are possible at this age as well. It helps people get some BOOST in their own lives, and I don't do that to hear from people that I'm their inspiration, but it is only to demonstrate that Life is Beautiful (the tattoo of this statement... I've still not made...)

So, to conclude, clicking your pictures of any kind (as long as they're appropriate) is not wrong. Posting them online is also not wrong. Using the Social Media is also not wrong. However, firstly, we do not need to generalize our observations to everybody. Secondly, we need to understand that everyone is on their own (individual) journey. First of all, I need to focus on my own journey, and individuals who are listening in need to look within first, and then take actions out there. And this has got nothing to do with being Straight or Gay.