Life Hacks by Sagar | Handling a break-up

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Handling a break-up

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Break-ups are not pleasant no matter how mutual they are, and when they are not, it's always the other person who is considered responsible, because he / she is not reading this Life Hack. You are. If you are reading this on this website, you are wise-enough to objectively dissect the situation in a detached manner to find out the best possible cause behind your break-up, if any.

This is obviously referring to break-ups between boyfriend(s) / girlfriend(s) / spouse(s). When break-ups are mature and mutual, there is no pain, and those people don't look for articles like these. They're completely happy and fine in their lives, so this article probably does not cater to them.

It is not the end of the world!

Every relationship in your life is here to teach you something, and you will read about what it teaches you through this article. One feels blocked, choked, hollow, dead-ended after a break-up, and feels like as-if there's nothing to do starting tomorrow morning.

There's a lot to do! Life has a variety of beautiful aspects, and a partner is just ONE of those aspects. Yes, it is an important aspect, but if someone goes away from you, you don't really want to decay the rest of your life because of that one person! (Wait, I won't call him / her "non-deserving" yet. This is just the beginning of the Life Hack.)

To mix with others or stay aloof?

I'm not referring to the word "aloof" as in being unfriendly or cold. It means just staying away. So, should you stay away from everyone or start mixing immediately with people?

Generally one does not feel like mixing with everyone after a break-up, and wants to be left alone. This happens with almost everyone in the world, because we are looking for answers within. There's a lot of mental thinking going on, for which bringing back that wasted energy is necessary, and you can bring it well back by staying a bit away from everyone for a few days.

Nothing wrong with staying alone - as long as you're thinking in the right direction, and moving towards a solution!

The first thing that everyone forces you is to mix with everyone and not be alone or by yourself. Well, this may not always work for everyone. This doesn't work for people like me who are originally very reserved by nature and who enjoy solitude a bit more than mixing with everyone. Yes, when you mix with everyone, you open up yourself more, interact more, refocus to positive things in life, and that often cleans up your Energy / Thoughts and knowingly or unknowingly removes blockages from within you. So, if you have good friends (who will NOT talk anything about the break-up), go and mix with them. Enjoy doubly! However...

It is important also to be with yourself and introspect as-to what you could have done to handle the situation better / differently. It's not with the intention of going through pain again, but to look at it for the sake of learning from it. Take time to think whether you want to continue being in pain due to the other person. Is it worth it? (I won't call him / her "non-deserving" yet.) You will hardly get time for such deep introspection if you are always surrounded by people after your break-up, or if you force yourself into people, friends, relatives.

Be natural and do what you would feel comfortable doing.

Had you lost your identity?

If you're feeling sad now, the answer to that question is YES. You had lost your identity and your self-esteem when you were in that relationship.

Be the person you were before you met this person. Trust me, if you can do this and completely become happy in your life, within 3 days you will find your soul-mate / perfect partner, who will make you 10x times happier in your life.

Not just that, when you rewind and make yourself what you were before you met this guy / girl, add into yourself the learning out of this relationship / break-up. You are energy, vibrating out your Thoughts. You attracted a mirror image of what you were at the time you met this particular person, but now that things are a little different, know yourself even deeper. Change your basicmost Thoughts, and see the difference in yourself. Then start observing what kind of people come across you. You will see the difference in that as well. Make it a motive to find the right partner for yourself. Remember, if someone has gone away from you, it means it was not the right match for you. You probably bumped into that person at the time when the Energies of the both of you were matching, but if it didn't last, it means something was wrong already!

What will he / she be doing?

All that I wrote so far was "Self-Work", but I know how natural it is to think, "What must he / she be doing right now? He / she used to be sweet to me at certain moments. Will he / she get romantic / intimate with someone else now? What will I do now?"

Well, you're not being converted to a single or celibate person! If he / she finds another partner, so will you. This is the rule of the game that many people don't understand, and if you're reading to / listening to this Life Hack, you must understand this as well.

Let him / her do WHATEVER he / she wants to do! GIVE him the freedom in your own mind. You take your own freedom now... the freedom that you had unnecessarily lost, and probably that's why this happened to make you realize your true worth.

Was he / she a bad person?

No. Never. No matter how bad he / she may have behaved, if YOU came together with a person who later gave you pain, it only means one thing - YOU were not clear about what you want in life. You forgot the idea of "Mr. Right", and you just clinged on to "Mr. Right Now".

Now, this is a bit deeper to understand, and as you learn about the Law of Attraction more, you will get to know this better.

But never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever curse or blame the other person, if you are doing that just to soothe yourself. Aah! There you go. Even if calling the other person with a bad name makes you feel nice, well, do it once or twice (... may be in front of your mother), but just let it go thereafter.

You are responsible for your life-experiences. You are responsible for what comes to you. You are attracting every single thing in your life.

Are you a bad person?

Again, No! You are / were not bad. You were just not clear in your own life. You just "went with the flow" without having your own life in your control.

Break-ups only happen for one deep reason - to make you realize your own worth. To make you realize that you weren't valuing yourself enough. So, I'm happy that he / she left you when you loved him / her so much, because what that means is that you were wasting your love behind someone who did not want it.

But my love was true...

Then it will come back! Through the right person. Just give yourself a small break from all of this, and stay focused on all the good things in your life, and miracles will happen in your life. Trust me!

If the other person really really disrespected or devalued your love - he / she was not at fault, again. You wasted your love in the wrong direction, without realizing whether you should be controlled in your approach. In simple words - you got attached to the wrong person.

There's no doubt that your love was true, but it was for the "wrong" person, and the reason I wrote that word in quotes, because there's never a wrong person who comes across you. He / she was a match to you then, and he / she is no longer a match to your energy now, because you are expanding, and growing, and moving towards a better future. Good for you, do you realize this?

If it was only you experiencing the love in that relationship and not the other person, you were really wasting your precious time, besides, for such a person, (if I were in your place) I would not even waste any single more second thinking about that relationship or the person. If at all I happened to think, I would deliberately tell myself to think only 1% of those good memories that caused me to experience love and happiness within me, and nothing else.

Staying away from someone who does not love you is the only solution to a happy life. Countless people face this, and it is only due to lack of love and respect for the self. You must know that in order for relationships to be successful, LOVE has to be from both sides towards the other. If it is not, it is only one person who abuses the self and blames the other person for not behaving "lovingly".

Nobody is bound to behave with you the way you want. Each person on this planet is free. And the person who does not love you is even more definitely free and not bound to behave with you the way you want. First and foremost, it is good to stay away from such persons. Of course, stay away more mentally. In cases when you bump into this person, if you work with him or due to common friends, don't be rude and negatively behaved just to stay away, it is more of "mental work". Ask yourself if you want to live your life with someone who simply does not care, love, or respect you, or would you like to live your life with someone who loves you equally, mutually, and deeply.

If it is not from both the sides, it is NOT a good relationship.

Forget it!

Forget it! Let it go.

You cannot keep remembering it to forget it. Just shift your focus to other aspects in life, in the present. Let the past die its own natural death. Good or bad, past is of no use whatsoever.Forget it, not because you should not remember it, but because if something has caused you pain, it means it was poisonous to your well-being.

If you were at fault, have the guts to apologize sincerely to yourself (with no intention of holding anything back, and not even the intention of getting the person back). If that person truly loved you, they woulnd't need the apology. Does this speak volumes? Thereafter, consider the person DEAD and move ahead in life. That may sound harsh, but that's the best blessing you can give to yourself and the other person, because negative thinking will affect the both of you negatively. It will only delay in getting what you actually want.

He / she came to teach you a big lesson in your life, which is that you didn't realize your own worth. Now, don't take a 'filmy' approach to this and say, "Oh, he / she was like that actor in that movie, who came and went. Means he / she is so good. Oh, I miss him / her." No, everyone is good, but that doesn't mean you want them all as your partners. There are just placeholders and space fillers who often you attract into your life and end up learning life's lessons from them.

Movies have just one hero, so when the heroine slits her wrist, or eats sleeping pills to kill herself, that is the only hero who is supposed to come back, because that's how that script has been written. However, if you understand the laws of the universe and the truth of energy, if you've had the break-up it only means that you got into the relationship with someone who was not meant for you. This does not mean you should jump from one relationship to another, but if someone is poisonous for you, it's the best to separate - for their good, but most importantly, for yours. By doing what is shown in movies you take yourself AWAY from LOVE, not TOWARDS it. Do NOT listen to movie songs at all for a while, because listening to sad songs will aggravate your sadness, and so will listening to happy songs! Just take a break, and join a Dance Class, instead.

Never ever ever ever ever ever contact him / her again by yourself. Sometimes, it does happen that the Ex messages you, and you get artificially happy. Remember that it's a false positive only. If he / she is your Ex, it means that that person has gone away from you, and you really don't want to have that person and all that pain back. What I would do in such a situation is mentioned in the audio version of this Life Hack.

Recreate the Love

Start loving yourself - something that you had forgotten to do while you were with this person. Don't ruin your existing relationships. Parents / siblings are usually the targets of all the irritation, anger and frustration. Don't do that, because you are negatively building your Energy and delaying the right person from coming into your life. Just keep focusing on self-improvement, and things will get better for sure. Aim only for self-improvisation meticulously Just a year or two down the line, you will laugh at yourself when you look back at this version of yourself.

Often your well-wishers (or even counselors) may ask you to Get Busy in your life. It is only so that you temporarily divert from the negative, and get engrossed in other aspects of life, so that one fine day naturally you may find something positive, so that you will then naturally move away from this pain. However, let's understand, "Getting Busy" is not to be taken literally, however, that's one excellent way of loving your life as a whole. Now, we understand the logic behind it. Settle down with what happened, and then change your Thoughts. That is when you won't have to wait to get busy and then find something positive, but you can do it right away. Everything is in your control and in your hands.

Understand that a break-up is only your temporary separation from love. That love is first within you. And unless and until you rebuild that love and happiness within you, you cannot attract love back into your life. So, don't worry, be happy. It's easier than you think right now.

Relationships are just one aspect of life. Although it is an important aspect, after a break-up, we tend to devalue, denigrate, and disrespect all other aspects of life (i.e. family, money, work, health, wealth, etc.). Why so? Life is a composition of everything. Never ever start disrespecting or devaluing anything else in your life, just because one aspect may be rough. It's like when one tyre of your car gets punctured, out of frustration, you go and puncture all other tyres of your car, and say, "No, I will halt on the road, and not move ahead." How logical or sane is that?

You're not missing your Partner

You are not attached to that person, but the image of your ideal partner, and that is excellent. The image you have of your partner is more than what you are actively aware of. There are more facets to it, whereas the Universe knows that this person cannot / could not satisfy or fulfill 100% of that image, but there's someone else waiting out there who matches more accurately with that image. Allow that person in by letting this person out from your mind.

You are not missing him / her. You are missing the happiness that you considered in him / her. Just keep that happiness intact using other means in your life, and see how things change.

LET GO - not sadly that this person no longer loves you, but by knowing that this person no longer serves your life. LET GO, so that your hands are free to hold someone else's hands. Whenever you think of this person, re-read this, and be EAGER about the one who is to come. Focus on other aspects of your life. This is just one tyre of your car. Don't puncture other three tyres just because one tyre is punctured. Trust me, you will thank this person when you find your Perfect Partner.

Could he / she come back? Well, the possibility of that is very low. The one who broke you can not fix you. If he / she went away, it means that you both are not a match to each other. In any case, you need to keep yourself high and happy. Who becomes a match to you is totally up to where you stay hereafter... emotionally!

You deserve a Lover

Yes, one important DON'T: Do not create incorrect beliefs for yourself - such as, "I don't deserve to be in a relationship", or "Probably I should give-up the idea of being in a relationship", and so on. It's too early to decide that. You deserve all that you desire. Beliefs are the basis of your being, so keep them positive always! You are the creator of your life, and you have the power to attract THE RIGHT PARTNER for you. If someone went away from you, that means LOVE (that you see around in successful couples around) did not exist between the both of you. It does not mean that love does not exist at all. Just that you two were never a perfect match. You just thought you were.

Once you understand this, deliberately and regularly work on doing some Mind Exercises, understand yourself better, practice Gratitude, you will be surprised to discover that your new good partner or soulmate or whatever it is that you want was waiting for you. Then you will smile and say, "I was wasting my time unnecessarily".

Click to read on Facebook: An excerpt from a Counseling session: How to digest that someone doesn't love you.

This is the BEST phase of your life

This is the BEST phase of your life, in order to prepare yourself for the magnificent Prince Charming (or Princess) who is coming your way.

Now, it's completely your choice, whether you want to keep remembering your Ex and sulk for years, or to gear up and unblock the arrival of your Perfect Partner. I am NOT telling a Fairy Tale here. That's how the Law of Attraction works!

Re-read this Life Hack after 7 Days and repeat

You may be in low energy when reading this for the first time, however, when your energy changes when two days come in between an incident and you. That's because you know deep down that you want happiness in life. Come back to this Life Hack and read / listen to it again exactly after 7 Days, and repeat the process.

The same lines / statements / words will mean / sound differently to you the next time. This indicates that you're on the right path.