Awakening - How Relationships work.
Updated on: Wed, 04-Feb-2015
Everything is happening due to the Law of Attraction. Everything means everything. No exceptions. All physics, chemistry, biology, motions, emotions. Relationship also occur due to the LOA. However, we are so externally focused today that we often misunderstand the true meaning of relationships. We have forgotten that we are energy and not the bodies we're in. We are, thus, under the illusion that relationships are established by good words, roses, or sex. That's untrue. Everything is energy exchange. The gestures mentioned are only the additional and external aspects to relationships.
Beliefs and the Law of Attraction
Relationships are established, sustained, or broken due to the energy exchange that happens between two people. Two people who come close to each other in a relationship (no matter what name we give to that relationship) are ALWAYS LIKE each other. We often think that two people (e.g. husband-wife) contrast each other in their nature, however, if we observe, we will clearly see that they are exactly similar to each other. We think our natures are contrasting, because we only look at the external factors. We need to look at some simple traits and realize that two people who are close to each other are EXACTLY LIKE each other in the way they think, believe, feel everything, and perceive the world. Although their responses to outer situations may be different, their vibrations / Beliefs (read "Introduction to the Law of Attraction" for the basics) are matching. Often, Beliefs are COMPLIMENTING. Complimenting is essentially matching, so let me use the more general word 'match' hereafter.
How you attract people based on your Beliefs...
Often it is the case that women who are fearful since childhood attract a husband who is angry (which fears the wife) or a husband who creates situations in their married lives that causes the wife to experience more fear. A person who often feels insecure about his life will always experience people moving out of his life. A promiscuous person will always bump into other promiscuous people, and will find it hard to stabilize with one partner. And the funny thing is that you will not always be first aware of those traits within you unless and until you face those circumstances a couple of times to observe the patterns in your life, especially if you don't have this knowledge beforehand. But hereon, as you begin observing your life incidents more closely, you will be quicker in identifying those patterns within you that once you change, those kinds of situations will no longer continue to occur in your life.
Here I elaborate the example of a promiscuous man whom I once spoke with. He said he wanted a relationship in his life, however, he did not naturally believe that he could have such a relationship of his dreams. Digging more into it I found out that his inclination was more towards promiscuity (having multiple partners), so he only came across people who were promiscuous, but not people who wanted relationships. This man kept getting disappointed, kept 'having fun' with multiple people and still did not find that one stable partner he was looking for. This is because he did not 'BE' what he wanted. To 'BE' was as simple as getting clear about what he wanted and holding on to it positively, and he was quite far from it.
An extremely important point to understand here is that the Law of Attraction responds to ALL your vibrations, not necessarily only the ones you are actively aware of. So, if you are actively hunting for a partner, you will not only come across people that show you your 'likes', but you may also come across people who are your 'dislikes', and that's the indication of what is within you. That is why it is said that there are no accidents. Whatever happens in your life is by the virtue of the vibrations within you (the soul).
In no case you will come across something that does not match you. Whatever people you come across, you do because it's within you. So, if at your workplace you come across irritating or irritated people, that is only because there is something within you [may be the trait of getting irritated about irritating people] that is causing you to attract them. Suppose you have the Beliefs A-B-C-D-E within you. Since Beliefs are not copyrighted by any individual, it's possible that someone else has A-B-1-2-E within them (A-B-E matching you) and they come across you. Someone else may have A-B-C-D-1 whom you may call someone who understands you the best (since most Beliefs are matching). Someone else may have 1-2-C-R-S (very few Beliefs matching), and that person might cause you nightmares in your life too. However, in no case you will come across someone who does not match you in any way. It is like bar codes or IP Addresses. The bar code of each person is unique and different from one another.
You do not need anybody to prove this to you. If you can just begin to observe your life and the people in your life, you'll be amazed.
Relationships have become so fragile today that people feel the need to sign prenuptial agreements (of DOs and DON'Ts) before getting into committed relationships e.g. marriage. However, if you think about it, if there is a need for having such agreements in place, it means that there is a basic yet major problem already. And although those agreements are made with the intention of having harmonious and smooth relationships, such agreements can never bring harmony into relationships.
To ease lives, people have come up with the concept of OPEN RELATIONSHIPS - you go and do whatever you want, and I will go and do whatever I want. They think this gives them freedom. Think about it, is there any value of such a relationship?
A quick secret to share
Every person is made of a package of Beliefs (or vibrations). Those vibrations are individual and independent of anybody else in the world. However, when you are by yourself, the situations & experiences you come across (under a given set of conditions) will always be different from the situations & experiences you come across (under the same given set of conditions) when you are with someone else.
So, if you go to a shopping mall alone, the way those salesmen behave with you, the people that surround you in the traffic, and many such small things, will be a match to your Beliefs. However, if you go to the same mall under the exact same conditions, but if you are with someone else, the experiences and circumstances you come across will be a match to the combined Beliefs of the both of you. So, for example, if a shopkeeper was not good with you, and your companion was watching over the experience you had, that was an experience that matched the vibrations you both carried together. For the Law of Attraction, you are a moving package of active Beliefs, so even if you were not in a 'bad mood' as such, it was just so that the otherwise residual and submerged Beliefs / Vibrations were a best match to you, your companion, and that salesman at that given point. Why? That's where the "Law of Karma" (more coming up later) comes into picture. Now, how you respond to that situation depends on your active vibrations. If you are in a fabulous mood, you may overpower and shower your love over that salesman and make the situation a funny one. If you are in an ordinary mood, it is possible that you may start sulking about 'why he behaved like that with me', and lower down your mood.
That's why often people find it "safe" to take someone along with them, or sometimes people may say, "I don't like going out with a particular person." It's actually the other person overpowering the vibrations that makes you feel safe or unsafe.
Parents and the Law of Attraction
It is commonly said that you don't choose your parents or your parents don't choose you. It is, in a way, false, because you choose your thoughts, and as you must have read in the "Introduction to the Law of Attraction" section, your thoughts ultimately create your Beliefs. So, you ultimately choose your Beliefs (via your thoughts). Based on this, a couple will attract that kind of soul towards itself which matches most of their Beliefs.
Example - An angry, disciplined, lazy father, and a loving mother who cares about others first will certainly attract a child who is angry and who cares about relationships too. [Reminds me of the AFV video clips - If this man marries that woman, how would their child be]
So, personality traits are not hereditary. Parents and children (the souls) get 'law of attracted' towards each other based on their complete package of Beliefs. Same goes with any other relationship in life. Beliefs may be submerged, as mentioned earlier on this page, and after coming across someone they may suddenly emerge. So, a soul will have anger submerged within itself, and on coming across an angry father, it will re-affirm its anger based on its observations, and will emerge the anger from within. That's exactly why an angry father's child is often an angry person. So, there is no point in blaming the father, a trait was already in the soul. The father was just a re-affirmer of that trait.
There are always exceptions of children having great will-power and deliberately become what they want to become.
What next? People are the mirrors or indicators of you. So, if you have "challenging" people around you, it's time for you to know that you have those "challenging" Beliefs within. In an interaction if you feel uncomfortable, it's the best opportunity for you to check your feelings, then go deeper into your underlying beliefs and thoughts. See what best you can do to change those beliefs and thoughts. Knowledge presented in this section will certainly help you with correcting your beliefs and aligning them with the truths. Thus, as you change, the world changes. Often we don't know whether we have changed or not, so interacting with others lets us know very well about it. So, feel blessed if you have some challenging people in your office, house, and elsewhere. Nevertheless, this percentage is always very low in anybody's life - just that in case you're too focused only on these aspects (challenging ones) of your relationships, you will feel uncomfortable most of the times.
So, as you change, depending on your influence, people around you either change or the LOA takes them naturally away from you or you away from them. Often we want to run away thinking that we will have a better life. Changing the job, getting divorced, breaking-up, staying away from people, going away from the irritating mother-in-law and staying separately with the husband are NOT the solutions for a better life. Well, you may go ahead and do that too, that's fine if you feel the need to do so for your own reasons. However, MORE important is to change that within you which causes you pain. Because, until it is within you, it will definitely continue to be your life experience (no matter what external actions you take).
If you reject people and their behavior, you are ultimately rejecting the need to change that within yourself which gives you emotional pain, and if you do that, you become more adamant, and just remain rigid and unchanged, and the LOA brings more and more of 'yourself' towards you.
What about those buggers from whom you would prefer staying away?
If you don't want something, you don't want it, and that's perfectly fine and acceptable. Life does not force you to have something you don't want.
Often, we find it hard to deal with some kind of people, and despite a lot of hard work on the self, they simply don't seem to go away. It's not the hard work that counts. It's the right focus that does. If you're finding those people irritating, it indicates that you are actively focused on them, instead of being focused on what you want. It indicates that you are probably not doing enough mental exercises to shift your focus. Just try a little bit more, and trust that it works, because this is pure science, and it really works! Unwanted people will start fading away from your life as you shift your focus on what you want in your life, in terms of the feelings that you wish to experience. The amount of time that will take depends on how soon you are able to shift your focus. Shifting focus is not hard at all. However, if you try to change the people, it may take forever, and the results are not only uncertain, but also impossible.
So, if a call center employee calls you at the wrong time (e.g. an afternoon when you're on leave and taking some rest) asking you for a credit card or insurance, if you get furious about it, disrespect them, you are strongly telling the universe to bring more of that to you, and those calls will never stop. If you lovingly, politely, and respectfully tell them that you are not interested, trust me that those calls will eventually and permanently stop, because your focus is not on the irritation, but on respect and the humble thought that you do not want something in your life. Don't push it away.
By your right thinking, you can let it fade away. You may suddenly get a better job. You may suddenly think of ideas that never came to you before. You may suddenly get better opportunities. That is exactly how it works.
In Soft-Skills Personality Development Training, you are taught how to smile, talk, walk, be courteous. Your mind is trained to be objective and polite NO MATTER WHAT. It's a good method to gain quick momentary results at important places. Spirituality, contrarily, says that if you're thinking negative about someone inside and smiling at them outside, it's not improving the rapport. You are worsening yourself as an individual and affecting that relation negatively. The gain in the former is short-term, shallow, and temporary, because relationships are based on the energy and vibrations you carry within based on your thoughts, not by the words and actions you do. Spirituality addresses the roots. It aims at changing your nature (which was until now considered unchangeable) inside out. Therefore, even if it may take time, the results are not just long-term, they're permanent (similar to Ayurveda). Think good inside and that will automatically reflect outside. If one pretends to be good outside, one is ONLY fooling the self, not the other person, isn't it?
However, don't vent out every other negative emotion you experience - just to say, "I am honest inside-out". Wherever you can avoid being rude, dominating, and angry towards somebody, even if it is an external temporary solution, do it. That will give you the opportunity to come back, churn, check and change whatever it is that was causing you pain then, besides preventing you from getting guilty later for being bad to someone. On this journey, while you are in the phase of transformation, guilt is often experienced. So, let's try to avoid it whenever possible